"Relax! This is an impenetrable disguise."
1) Suits of armor and haystacks are awesome hiding spots. Invest in one or two of each and have them with you at all times.
2) Follow the rules for impenetrable disguises. Remember: A fake beard can be a false friend; do not use one that will come off as you eat your soup. Also: If you are disguised as a veiled princess, do not accessorize your outfit with flowers that will make you sneeze and blow off your veil--this is especially true for you menfolk.
3) Do not stand behind a long, lush velvet drape with your shoes sticking out unless you have a secret desire to be shish-kebabed with a sword.
4) Do not hide in the closet, under the bed, in the basement, or in the shower. These days, nine out of ten of your garden variety super-villains and maniacs are regrettably savvy.
5) Rather than hiding, sometimes it is a good idea to freak out super-villains and/or maniacs by running towards them yelling, "I love you, man! I love you!" Of course, only do this if you are a heavily-armed, bitter cop with a fondness for alcohol and nothing left to lose.
6) Look, if you really must hide in a wicker market basket, please make sure that there are many wicker market baskets surrounding you. Note: One wicker market basket standing all on its own in the middle of a town square is known as a "maniac magnet."
7) Mid-chase, it can be fun to dive into a round, metal garbage can that tips over and starts rolling down a hill. I think you can do the math on this one.
8) Do not hide in the hay loft of a barn. You know that the villain and/or maniac will walk in and say, "I know you're up there, now come on down before I have to come and get you." Strangely, this sounds like something your mother would say. But, the villain and/or maniac is not there to call you in for supper. No, he is not. Avoid the barn altogether.
9)Ladies, let's keep those blouses buttoned up. He's there to kill you and the likelihood of him taking a break to check out the goods is lets face it, slim to none. Unless you have more than two or they light up, I say keep the blouses closed. (Sarah)
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4 comments:
You know, I was wondering why the wicker basket trick wasn't working for me. Thank you, Sparkle!
Joe...my friend...I'm not saying it's a definite "don't," I'm just saying think twice. Let's be careful out there.
9) Ladies, let's keep those blouses buttoned up. He's there to kill you and the likelihood of him taking a break to check out the goods is lets face it, slim to none. Unless you have more than two or they light up, I say keep the blouses closed.
Did she just use the word blouse?
10) When in outer space, get your spacesuit on and head outside. It's a tremendous place to hide as, well, they'd have to come and get you. But keep in mind that if you're tethered, one snip and yer done.
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