National Pride and the Olympics

Let me start off by saying I thought the opening ceremonies to the Beijing Olympics was one of the most creative and spectacular I've seen. I only nodded off once...and for that, I deserve a Gold. That dude running along the perimeter of the "bird's nest" to light the torch was very cool. And he didn't even fall. The fireworks were breathtaking. I don't even care that they were computer generated. What I don't get is replacing the little girl singer with a cuter one that lip-synced her ugly counterpart's beautiful voice. Why not just give her a computer animated makeover?! I guess Chinese technology only goes so far.

This year the media focus of the Olympics seems to have been on three different topics: Michael Phelps, the age of certain gymnasts and the lengths that China will go to look really damned good to the rest of the world.

Michael Phelps is being called the greatest Olympian since Zeus. He is by far the greatest swimmer I've ever seen...and believe me, I've seen TONS. Some people are birdwatchers, I'm a swim watcher. Swimmers are...oh, forget it. I can't keep the charade going. I know nothing about swimming other than it's a neat way to keep from drowning. Now, Mr. Phelps has won more Gold medals than any other person thus far. He's won more than many countries, for goodness sake. Even though normally I couldn't give a crap about these swimming events, I too got caught up in the hype and was cheering him on, chanting "USA! USA!" in my living room. Watching him prior to the races was also cool: this dude was relaxed, listening to rap on his iPod, hanging out. This is a hero the USA has been waiting for in the Olympic arena.

Then something happens: after Phelps crushes his opponents, he is inevitably interviewed by some blond dingbat who squeaks out questions between gushingly embarrassing comments. And Phelps then smiles and answers. Here is where the American Dream has become a nightmare. Phelps looks and sounds completely uneducated. It's no surprise that his teammates call him "Gomer" after the brainiac on the Andy Griffith Show. Fortunately, our television sets come with a "mute" button on the remote. One press, and the American Dream resumes.

With the interstitials capping off the countless commercials, we've come to see China as a truly beautiful nation. No sarcasm here. It's really unbelievable, and thanks in part to their hosting the Olympics, I would love to vacation there and see what is undoubtedly one of the most breathtakingly historic countries on our little planet. Now, that being said, China has really gone the extra mile to make themselves look really good to the rest of the world. I can't say I blame them. Who would want to look at their home country on television and think, "Man, what a crapheap!"? Part of me believes this is national pride, but mostly I believe it's the Chinese government wishing to prove their innate superiority over the western nations. Hey, maybe they are better than us...but then again, how's that smog doing, Beijing? Just checkin', thanks.

Part of the 'national pride' edict is that they win more Gold Medals than anyone...even if it means cheating to do so. Yes, I'm referring to the age of their gymnasts. Does anyone doubt that these girls are under 16? I didn't think so. Should we be surprised at this? I didn't think so. If this is a country willing to substitute a cuter kid to lip sync, fake fireworks and suppress any mention of smog...why not go one step further to ensure you get the gold? Obviously the swimming medals are going to go elsewhere.

I can't help but wonder about the other athletes in the competition: does it bother them that China is cheating them out of medals or does it get to them that they're getting their butts kicked by prepubescents?

One last comment and then I'll shut up: I've heard that they are removing Women's Softball from the Olympic Games. Yet, they're keeping: badmitton, water polo (come ON. How the frig did this become a sport for the Olympics....seriously...it's goofy), and team handball. Actually, the latter kinda looks cool. Like a cross between basketball and soccer. Except, well, I dunno. Is this a sport that should be saved over Women's Softball?

One more last comment: Men's basketball...I'm probably the only one in America who thinks that the team should go back to being Amateur athletes. It's not the embarrassing domination the team has...it's the incredibly huge egos that are even apparent in still photographs. Yes, you're good. Just go home to your mansions and shut up.