Friday, November 28, 2008

Idiots - yes, you, BFers

In case u missed/avoided my earlier post.. BF = black friday shoppers.

Well, hope you're happy you losers who rushed out to buy a bunch of crapola that you did not need so that you could lock in the love of the people who have to tolerate you on a daily basis.

Wal-Mart worker dies after holiday shoppers knock him down

BTW, I told you so.

Being cynical doesn't make me a big enough person to NOT say I told you so. So, you know what, I'm going to say it twice. I told you so.

nice job BFers.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Here comes "the veldt". I hope the lions are nice.

Pretty wild. check it out.
The interface/interaction is very cool, but the obvious thing is that to utilize this stuff you have to completely change the way "data" (whatever it may be) is stored, handled, & viewed. "Shift your paradigm" to use and over-used phrase. Good thing "kids" are such insane early adopters. I think my generation may actually be limited in our ability to conceive the possible ueses. Cartoons were only on Saturday morning. TV went off the air at midnight. You only had 5-6 or channels depending on where you lived. So many things were finite, boxed and boundaried (bound?, whatev..).
Ironically it makes me immediately think of the "blu-ray vs. HD-DVD" monologue by the Kevin Sandusky (Jay Baruchel) character in "Tropic Thunder" (which I gotta say is actually a pretty damn good movie, very funny. Yes, takes some shots, but not completely retarded ones..<---[yes, cloaked joke] And Tom Cruise deserves an Oscar - seriously).
Anyway.. he gives this speech about how technology battles are decided by ...the porn industry, with a nod to gamers. (although I've read the Porn clan ain't such fans of HD at all - razor stubble is much more palatable in SD). SO I suppose to really imagine the possibilities, you have to ask "what would PORN do?"

Nonetheless, a very cool demo on their homepage. Combine this with the "coming soon" (next ten years) super-cheap OLED wallpaper you’ll be able to coat the walls floor & ceiling of a room with - Shazam! that Star Trek holodeck ain't so sci-FI any more, more like My-Sci...

And if you're thinking "oh kev, you're so cool, you can read slashdot". Well thanks for playing. I am cool.

Also - you have to catch Guv'nah Palin(comparison to anyone else) giving an interview. She just "pardoned" a turkey, so she gives an interview... in front of a guy slaughtering turkeys...
If you can't stomach the whole thing, jump to 1:50 and watch the bird kick & struggle while she just palavers on , blah-blah-blabbity-blah. Is she really that dumb, or is this a visceral threat? "I'll cut ya! Just try me...".

Governor Patrick Just Called Us Dumb

"We are awash in cynicism in the commonwealth, but the cynical are not smart; they're just pretending to be," Patrick said.

Sorry, Governor. Cynics can, in fact, be smart. The reason why we are cynical is because we can see through your ridiculous rhetoric and bullsh*t. Fact is, not everyone in the Commonwealth is part of the heard, blindly lead along by government officials. We can, and will, make our points known and show the elected officials that it's good to question authority. Especially when they're doing a crap job.

Maybe it's Governors who have totally inane slogans such as, "Together we can", who are "not smart" and "just pretending to be". I mean, what the f*** does that mean, anyway? You're missing a verb, there, Gov.

Try your best not to make such idiotic blanket statements. Especially if you want to be part of the Obama administration. Admit it, you're sitting by your phone.

The reason behind this statement is people are questioning the concept of Patrick's administration closing down the Mass Turnpike Authority, doing away with tolls outside of the 128 loop, and raising tolls in Boston to help fairly pay for the Big Dig. Also, the concept of raising the Mass. gasoline tax has been suggested.

Let me ask you, Governor Patrick: why, exactly, are you shocked at the cynical responses to these ideas? Did you know that every governor we've had since the Turnpike Authority was created has promised to get rid of the tolls? The tolls were originally set up to pay for the Turnpike. The payment was complete many, many years ago. The tolls remain. Why? Because it's an excellent source of income for the commonwealth. I'm frankly shocked they haven't put up tolls along 128, 93 or Newbury Street (hey, why's all ludicrous).

To put it bluntly, we don't believe you. We think you will increase the toll amounts, and pass the gas (hee) tax. And somehow...somehow...those tolls marked for removal will remain.

Governor Patrick, isn't it possible that those "cynics" out there are, in fact, intelligent and you're just frustrated that they're disagreeing with your statements? Would you prefer a bovine America where we all just stare at you with large, vacuous eyes while you march us up the ramp to the slaughterhouse? If so, I have some disappointing news for you...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

When Black Friday Comes with a Black Mood

What is wrong with people? Not all people but most people. And ESPECIALLY those people who partake of Black Friday (BFers from hereonin).

I feel like Scrooge McTavish when I mine the depths of my irritation, aggravation, anger, dismay and disdain for Black Friday and the BFers.

Is there anything on this planet that merits getting up at an ungodly hour, driving to a shopping mecca/mega center and then elbowing/shoving/pushing just to save X%. An X% that rarely equals the sales tax on said object.

A woman was crushed, maimed and then oh yeah, killed by other psycho BFers at a Walmart because they were all waiting in line for $25 DVD players. When the doors opened, they rushed in, she was crushed, felled and was stepped on. Nice work BFers. Enjoy those DVD players.

Have you seen the Wrenthan Common Outlet mega miles long backup Fox news has been showing each night on the news? I've been to WCO. There is NOTHING at any of those shops that any of us NEED. And the bargains? Ha. Such a joke. The clothing at the major designers is all second tier stuff. The stitching is embarrassing and the quality is laughable.

I admit that my own brood were at the WCO a few weekends ago. We went for a walk and acquried some baby goods as we don't have many baby stores near us. Frankly, the people I saw scared me. We sat feeding the boys and watching the women stream into Coach (having a 50% off sale). Can I just say that buying and carrying a Coach bag will not cover up for that 50lbs of fat you have. A beautiful bag does not make you a beautiful person. We saw roughly 75 women go in and out. Here are a few more nuggets of advice for those ladies: Coach bags will not: make you look younger, or hotter, or skinnier. Coach bags will not make your voice any less shrill. Coach bags won't stop your husband/boyfriend from cheating on you. Coach bags will hold your wallet. Coach bags will get stolen if left unattended. Coach bags purchased at WCO on a sale will not last as long as the ones you purchase from the REAL Coach store and pay full price for.

Don't hand me any "wait till your kids want that 'special' xmas toy." Are you saying that when your kids say "jump" you say "how high"? Grow a pair, will you?

When my kids start asking, and I know they will, I'll be honest and say "Perhaps. But sometimes we don't always get what we want."

I love my kids. I want them to know I love them by the things I say and do every day. One wintery day and a few things wrapped in paper are not a summation of my love and I hope that they never are.

Black Friday is ready for retirement. What if there was a Black Friday and nobody came? Nobody cared? How wonderful. What if everyone stayed home and drank cider/cocoa/tea/bourbon and cuddled with their love ones? Or took a walk or donated time to a food kitchen. I could go on.

But why bother. I know I won't change the mind of you committed BFers.
Good luck buying the love of others on BF.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When Black Friday Comes...

This year I'm actually very curious to see how retail spending fares over the holiday season. Never, ever would have thought I'd have said (typed) that sentence.

There are so many articles saying that consumers will be less likely to shell out big bucks due to the unstable world economy. That's probably going to be the case, but I wouldn't be surprised if buyers turned out en masse and brought a slight percentage profit over last year's numbers. Why? Well, there are a number of reasons.

One, retailers are panicking and are going to offer decent deals, especially on electronics. Hard to resist when you have a little cash squirreled away from the past few months of stock-market stress (that's two).

Also, the populace also tends to spend when times are tough. Sort of an emotional pick-me-up wrapped with a bow.

I can tell you that with my fledgling family, I'm not planning on spending any outrageous sums. There's a house for sale in our town that's basically a steal for the price they're asking...and we're just to wary of the economy to go deeper in debt. We're looking at a replacement cars, and that in itself is daunting...even thought the loan would be 3-5 years and not 30. I suppose I could ride a bike to work, but I won't even think about that until my new life-insurance policy goes through. People around here drive like lunatics.

While looking at cars, I find myself glancing at GM dealers as I drive by. Whether they get this bailout from the government or not, it's quite a good bit of free advertising. I never would have considered buying a GM...and hard pressed to buy from the other big two as well. Especially if I'm going for something small and cheap yet well-built and reliable: a concept long lost on American automobile companies. Yet, here I am looking through papers for good deals on GMs while having Consumer Reports as my guide & reference. And you know? I've yet to hear about any deals. Not a one.


You know, if there was a proposition for the government to bailout the citizens of this nation with that same $700 billion, do you think it would pass? Me neither.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Art Imitating Life

There are those who say that art imitates life. Oh really? Here are some things that disprove that completely.

1. Jerry Seinfeld is not funny. On tv. Or in real life.
2. In real life, how many fat guys are married to totally hot chicks i.e. King of Queens, According to Jim, Mr. Destiny, Simpsons, Family Guy, etc.
3. How many women look like any of the chicks in a Picasso, Renoir, Sargeant, or Nagel painting?
4. Nobody, male or female, looks like any of Rodin's or Maillol's sculptures
5. Fill in your own example
6. If Family Guy in any way shape or form imitates life, I'm booking Dr. Kervorkian tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Christoper Nolan is Being Sued by Morons.

Here's the article:

Christopher Nolan being sued by Batman
The mayor of the city of Batman, Turkey, is suing the director and studio

"...The mayor of the real city of Batman — an oil-producing city in southeast Turkey — is reportedly suing “Dark Knight” director Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros., seeking royalties from this summer’s box-office blockbuster, according to Variety. "

Oh my, where to begin with this one.

First of all, why don't we have an actual "Gotham City" here in the US? Maybe there is one. I know that NYC is referred to as Gotham, but I fully believe we should rename NYC. The next big question is, which city should be renamed "Metropolis"? Maybe Chicago? Dallas? LA?

Anyway, I digress. Can you believe this crap? Take 'em to court and if "Batman" loses, Christopher Nolan and DC Comics should get the oil profits. Frivolous lawsuits are for the most part, by their very nature, utterly ridiculous. This one is admittedly slightly amusing, but still. Knock it off with these idiot suits.

Otherwise, this will set a precedent for more idiocy:

Will Pope Benedict sue Pope Resources (NasdaqGSM:POPE)? Actually, His Holiness would do well to stay away from the stock market.

Will England sue New England (defamation of character, implying that England is not "new", therefore "old and stinky")?

What about Gap, Arkansas? There's a major clothing store/line they could easily profit from.

Can I sue Intercourse, PA for mocking my sadly celibate state in the mid-90s?

Boggles the mind.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Creepy Weirdo Belongs in Jail...

Okay...for those of you who know me I have had a thing against "Mr. Steve" for quite some time. He's downright CREEPY! Come on! Watch that video and tell me you don't want to ban television from the house! And the worst part? Ava get's all kinds of excited when he comes on. Sigh!

P.S. The kids are obviously creepy robots as warned

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Whither the lowly shower curtain?

My "pretend it's not there and it won't be" blinders had just about taken care of the naked old ladies who sprawl on the benches in my gym's locker room and take their dear sweet time changing when I discovered this: Hardly anyone closes the shower curtains. My husband's comment was, "you get shower curtains?" So I guess it could be worse. But no! It's already worse. Isn't it worse to willfully and knowingly not use the shower curtains you do have? Dear god! So, aforementioned husband suggested I stand and stare until they ask what the hell I'm doing to which I should reply "oh, I thought that's why you left the curtain open." But I'm on my very short lunch hour for crying out loud. I can't spend my precious time being the creepy leering person in the locker room. Plus, I rely on my eyes for my job and I'm pretty sure the sight of all that wrinkly, dimply flesh might blind me.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Obama wins; Tina Fey relieved

Americans went to the polls and made history. The first African American president. Gotta say, I'm impressed.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are now out of a job.

Tina Fey no longer has to schlep over to SNL and do her amazing Sarah Palin impression.

The global response to Obama's victory has been staggeringly positive.

I watched the results coming in on BBC America. Their coverage was by far the best out of any of the networks. Plus, it's fascinating to hear their thoughts and opinions on America.

Most of all, this is FINALLY the end of the disastrous Bush administration. I do not envy the president-elect, no matter who it was going to be. He has a heck of a mess to attend to left in Dubya's wake. The honeymoon period of Obama's presidency is going to be quite short. Voters are going to want results, and want them fast. Patience is required. Even though it may totally seem this way, the catastrophe that we're in as a nation wasn't created in a day. The solution to the financial crisis and the two wars we are fighting is more difficult than successfully solving a Rubik's cube in the dark. Not impossible, but rather difficult.

Back here in Massachusetts, the voters declared in one voice that they're all idiots. I'm not referring to John Kerry's re-election. I'm referring to Question #1: repeal of the state income tax. No recount needed here: 70%/30% against. Seriously. The opposition ran a successful fear campaign and it certainly worked. Question #2 & #3 passed. No surprises there, I suppose.

That all being said, it's time for a change in the United States government. Whether it was McCain or Obama, change was going to happen. And again, Bush's time is nearly over. I cannot fully convey how please I am about this. Buhbye Republican Beast.

Obama hates cynics

I am very happy with the outcome of yesterday's election (except for the overwhelming vote to keep the MA state income tax - I really just wanted to see what would happen.) But in Obama's acceptance speech did you hear him put down the cynics? I mean, what's up with that? He's supposed to be the president for all Americans. Ooh the rejection stings.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Time to vote, Americans!

You can shake off the pre-voting jitters by using the poll set up to the left.

Or, if you've already voted, you can show the world who you voted for (anonymously, of course).

OR, if you voted for one party and regret it, you can make everything okay again in your mind.

ORRR...if you just want to f*** up the stats, go ahead and make a random selection.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Boom De Ya Da!

Ok. Those who know me, know this....I'm a dyed in the wool cynic. My outer, silver lining, it'll all work out shell covers a dark chocolate, the other shoe will drop any second, better carry an umbrella despite the sunny skies, taxes are due, we're all dying, ooey, gooey inside.

THAT being said....I hope that this posting doesn't change your view of me. Props to you Cake. I, too, love this ad. The music, the Tibetan monks, Adam lighting Jamie on fire. Love it. Love it. Lllllove it.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

When you forward an email...

I thought everyone understood this, but I'll say it here to make it clear (and make it rhyme, without fear... oh brother)
When you forward an email laced with the strong sentiments, ideas, machinations, or the pure fantasy & fiction of another person... wait for it.... wait for it.... wait... YOU ENDORSE THE MEANING OF THE MESSAGE!!!!! (unless you're just mocking "WTF! Can you believe this baloney??!")
No do-overs, no "Oh gee I didn't read it, and don't really feel that way", no claiming "I just wanted to know what you thought" (unless you say "hey, what do you think?" - duh).
On any given day there is just so much crap rolling around the interweb, getting copy/pasted, FWD'ed. With the election season there has been a 643% increase in utter bullshit FWD'ed by ignorant friends/relatives (Hey Kev, you have data to back that 643% up? No, it is a comedically-ridiculous ironic assertion designed to make a point).
Sidebar: When you must forward something, absolutely must, life-savingly important must, then for the love of baby Jesus BLIND COPY all those you're sending it to (adult Jesus was a miserable prick & show-off, no matter what you've read). That way you lessen the likelihood of turning all your recipients into a verified list of real-live-recipients for the SPAM-clowns who generated the message in the first place & get copied every time it gets reply-to-all'd.

I honestly cannot recall how many times I've been outraged by the inanity of some message, or some easily identifiable hoax emailed to me by a well-meaning friend/relative (who, until that moment, I thought had at least a single clue), and to this great benefactor of knowledge I'll send a what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you reply, only to get a "oh gosh, I didn't realize what it said/meant...I DON'T think pandas are evil...".
Like THEY say, "you can't un-ring a bell". And while it seems that sometimes the friend/relative may be just an ignorant fool, lately people have taken to just saying outrageous stuff and then claim they were "taken out of context". I for one, call bullshit, and will cast my ballot to vote you off the island.
I know - preacher/choir here, but I had to get it out. It calms down the spiders in my head.