Wednesday, November 19, 2008

When Black Friday Comes with a Black Mood

What is wrong with people? Not all people but most people. And ESPECIALLY those people who partake of Black Friday (BFers from hereonin).

I feel like Scrooge McTavish when I mine the depths of my irritation, aggravation, anger, dismay and disdain for Black Friday and the BFers.

Is there anything on this planet that merits getting up at an ungodly hour, driving to a shopping mecca/mega center and then elbowing/shoving/pushing just to save X%. An X% that rarely equals the sales tax on said object.

A woman was crushed, maimed and then oh yeah, killed by other psycho BFers at a Walmart because they were all waiting in line for $25 DVD players. When the doors opened, they rushed in, she was crushed, felled and was stepped on. Nice work BFers. Enjoy those DVD players.

Have you seen the Wrenthan Common Outlet mega miles long backup Fox news has been showing each night on the news? I've been to WCO. There is NOTHING at any of those shops that any of us NEED. And the bargains? Ha. Such a joke. The clothing at the major designers is all second tier stuff. The stitching is embarrassing and the quality is laughable.

I admit that my own brood were at the WCO a few weekends ago. We went for a walk and acquried some baby goods as we don't have many baby stores near us. Frankly, the people I saw scared me. We sat feeding the boys and watching the women stream into Coach (having a 50% off sale). Can I just say that buying and carrying a Coach bag will not cover up for that 50lbs of fat you have. A beautiful bag does not make you a beautiful person. We saw roughly 75 women go in and out. Here are a few more nuggets of advice for those ladies: Coach bags will not: make you look younger, or hotter, or skinnier. Coach bags will not make your voice any less shrill. Coach bags won't stop your husband/boyfriend from cheating on you. Coach bags will hold your wallet. Coach bags will get stolen if left unattended. Coach bags purchased at WCO on a sale will not last as long as the ones you purchase from the REAL Coach store and pay full price for.

Don't hand me any "wait till your kids want that 'special' xmas toy." Are you saying that when your kids say "jump" you say "how high"? Grow a pair, will you?

When my kids start asking, and I know they will, I'll be honest and say "Perhaps. But sometimes we don't always get what we want."

I love my kids. I want them to know I love them by the things I say and do every day. One wintery day and a few things wrapped in paper are not a summation of my love and I hope that they never are.

Black Friday is ready for retirement. What if there was a Black Friday and nobody came? Nobody cared? How wonderful. What if everyone stayed home and drank cider/cocoa/tea/bourbon and cuddled with their love ones? Or took a walk or donated time to a food kitchen. I could go on.

But why bother. I know I won't change the mind of you committed BFers.
Good luck buying the love of others on BF.

9 comments:

I Ain't No Oprah said...

/////A woman was crushed, maimed and then oh yeah, killed by other psycho BFers at a Walmart because they were all waiting in line for $25 DVD players. When the doors opened, they rushed in, she was crushed, felled and was stepped on.//////

She was probably a jerk and deserved to die.

Comic books, full price. Be here or be square!

Amy Bennett said...

Now there's the dyed-in-the-wool (whatever the hell that means) cynicism I come here for.

Oh, and what about "long in the tooth"? I've always thought it originated from how people's gums recede when they get older, making their teeth look longer. Anyone got another idea? Anyone know what it actually means?

mulderjoe said...

I would love it if there was a Black Friday and no-one came. LOVE it. Take THAT, economy.

The thing about BFers is some do it for the thrill and the sport of it all. That I can almost understand. I mean, it falls right in place with bridge-jumping, mountain climbing, shopping pre-dawn the day after Thanksgiving.

Morons.

I'd given up on going to stores ever since they invented places like Amazon.com. With the exception of the one place I go where comics books are always full price, but people pointing and laughing at you is free.

IANO: she probably was. Who shops at Walmart?!

Amy: long in the tooth probably refers to sabre-tooth tigers who are now extinct. At least that's what Bully tells me.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear MulderJoe,

You do know that YOU get 10% off everyday, correct?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

The term 'long in the tooth' comes from how horses teeth look when they get old. The gums shrink making the teeth look long.

(stop with the word verification, huh?)

Horroru said...

IANO: I will be there cause I don't wanna be square!

For Pre-Black Friday Comics Wednesday, will beer be provided like last year, or do I need to bring some?

Kathy:
"One wintery day and a few things wrapped in paper are not a summation of my love" is one of the best blog lines of the year!
(Although I think it's also the title of a Led Zep tune...)

mulderjoe said...

IANO: Yeah, that's because you love me. No fault of your own.

Btw, I'm still going with sabre-tooth tigers.

HORRORU: you're right. that's probably the best blog line I've read. And it should be a Zep tune.

Kathy said...

IANO: Shopping at Wal-Mart should come at a price...but that price should be: dinged car door or all the chips in the discount bag are broken or your cashier speaks nada word of English. Death seems a bit extreme. Death should be reserved for people who actually show up on Free Comic Day and ask for their free comic book.

Amy: Long in the tooth was invented because Long in the Penis made grown women jealous and grown men cry.

HoJo O: (hey, I like that...HoJo O) Thx for the compliments on my lyrics. Tk that, Jimmy Page.

IANO and MOJO (hey, I like that MoJo): IANO is right. STOP with the word verification. It's always something like "herpes" or "blackfriday". UH-noying.

Stay tuned for my rant on Thxgvg and Pilgrims.

mulderjoe said...

FINE. Word verification is off.